So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
