My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
