she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
