My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
