Ketchup is God's man juice
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
