They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
