Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
