just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So many bounce houses so little time
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
