take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
