How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
