NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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