how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
