drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
bring money and cleavage
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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