she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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