Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
