I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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