I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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