Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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