She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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