There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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