He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
