if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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