Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
