Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
