My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
