I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
