I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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