i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
PANTIES FOUND
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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