Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
