Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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