I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
