Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
