i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
