shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
