i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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