i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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