dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize