I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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