just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
