My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
