I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You are a genius and a whore.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
