Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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