so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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