she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
