So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
