I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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