do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Princesses don't give blow jobs
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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