there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
