U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
