Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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