When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
