I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
