Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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