I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
