If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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