if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
