My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
