i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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