Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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