I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Oh god it's open bar.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
