Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
