This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
