As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
