I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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