Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
