I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
