I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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