Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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